Today is CREEPY Day!

Hey, guys!

Y’all need music playlists but today is not the day for music.

I thought I’d share some creepy things I’m finding off Reddit and just briefly talking about what I’ve done over at the Special Deals page.

Ready?

Special Deals is now $3 or less because that’s more manageable. Also, probably have a special B&N or other sale promo at the top. Depending if I stay busy.

Now. Here are some unwanted creepy gifs/pictures from Reddit/r/creepy.

Perfect Loop

Can’t Get Up

Terrifying

Seriously. Reddit /r/Creepy is great!

P.S. For those of you who need something nice after all that crap Emergency Animals.

Why Sailor Moon R is No Better than Crystal: Ami Edition

Hello, guys!

I know this series seemed extinct but no, it is not. For those who don’t know the series, here’s one on Mamoru being the biggest douchebag in the history of Earth. As I said before, just assume this series is about how much these characters suck.

I noticed and you noticed almost immediately how much of a bitch Ami becomes in season two (R).

When I was in high school I hated how overbearing and bossy some friends were about studying. I mean it went from “you should study” to “we’re not talking to you unless you study.

(On a side note, if anyone gives you a condition to speak to them or be their friend, that’s toxic. Do yourself a favor and walk.)

Seeing Ami constantly shoving what she enjoys at the other girls makes me a little sick and angry. Okay, maybe it’s beyond what she enjoys but Jesus. Let those fuckers flunk. You think Mina’s going to pause her dream of being a star to become a vet or something?

But what she does to poor Usagi.

Previously on the blog:

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Who does that? Who goes out of their way to say the reason someone treats you like crap and jilts you because you won’t do one thing?

Another thing about friendship? You never justify the harsh things people do to your best friend. EVER.

None of this makes any ripple or gets address. I heard Naoko wrote a good portion of R classic. And I refuse to research it because I really do hate to wonder what the fuck is wrong with her if she did it. :/

Because It’s Robin Williams’ Birthday

Hey, guys.

So today I’m going to go on the heavy. Yes, for me. To relieve the tension bottled up but also because I had Robin William pop up on my Twitter feed when I was telling myself I would not shatter.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with is depression. I couldn’t say exactly when it did start. Honestly, I can only remember I realized something was bad when I couldn’t get out of bed my sophomore year of high school.

Most of winter break I spent on my side, in the darkness of my room, while the holidays went on downstairs. I wanted to get up but I just didn’t have a good enough reason to.

Fast forward a bit. I’m not ready to explain what rock bottom looked like for me but it happened this past winter again. Ever since then, I tried to pick myself up. And for a little bit I thought I could just will myself into a better spot.

But it’s back to that feeling. I had no idea why I was trying to get up.

It’s the definition of depression, I guess. Just being under.

Recently, I’d drive home and react to my thoughts. Which were mostly begging to die. Then recoiling at the damage I’d leave behind.

It might be three people but those three people are my favorite people.

I kept telling myself that if I need a goal, if I want a meaning, work on the damn novel. Finish it. Get published.

But that was a lance in things too. Because I don’t feel like I can do that.

It’s hard to get published. Now add on top of that that level of curling up and wishing everyone–even you–away.

I keep thinking this is it. I’ve hit rock bottom and I’m still grinding against it. Moving forward but still too close to the ground.

It’s weird to think that anything could be my last words. I have faith. I was raised Catholic, but I’m not finding any comfort in that.

So this whole thing is surreal. The fact that I feel this way about my life makes me feel like there will be nothing afterwards for me. And I shouldn’t be relieved by that.

I have stories I want to tell. I have memories I want to make and revisit.

I want to see my best friend have her children and live happily ever after. I want to take care of my dad instead of having him take care of me. I want to see my new house and I want to see it rain from the coziness of it.

I want it but I can’t make myself get out of the hole I’m in.

A few nights ago, I dreamt that I was in a coma. I could hear people talking over me, talking about how I seemed to improve but I had already been told–maybe by my bones–that I would die as soon as the sun rose.

And I cried. I was furious that was the only reason I cried. I was angry because I was going to die.

And a part of me asked why. I’m not the type to lie to myself. I knew I wanted to go already.

Things hadn’t change. Things just got worse.

And all I could think of was that I did not publish this novel. I knew everyone else would pick up from the end of my life–because I’ve done it after my favorite people–but there was something that belonged to only me. It is the one thing no one else will ever be able to do.

I am the only person who can finish Vannette Lore’s story. And Catalina Alvaro’s. And Rosolyn Amadi’s. Steven Sterling’s.

I am the only one. And it’s the only thing that I’ve ever wanted. Ever since I was little. It’s the one thing that no matter how hard I try to change and forget and abandon has never changed.

I knew to some people it’s impossible to think that something like publishing a book is keeping someone alive. (And like fuck it is.)

But right now that’s the only thing I have. I’m not saying that if I get published I’ll suddenly want to live for myself. Actually, I’m pretty sure that once I do, I will hit another rock bottom. (Because what will I really want after?)

But this is what I want. I want to see my name on a book spine with my book title. I want people to find it by chance in the school library or at the public one, hidden among all the discolored novels waiting for a second glance.

I want people to hate it. To be total irrational assholes about it just so I can laugh and say it’s fantasy. It’s not for you.

I want people to like it so I connect with someone. Even for a little while.

I said I didn’t want any of this before, but I figure go big or go home. And if you’re thinking or feeling or anything like what I’ve written here, where things are just like a choking game hoping you’ll pass out (and being disappointed) I want to say something that others find unacceptable.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to hate your life and who you are and where you’re at. It’s okay if you can find absolutely nothing consistent or something to live for. People cannot make you feel bad for that too.

The only person who has the authority to change who you are and what you live for is you. And if that’s a fight you don’t want to have anymore then I will personally miss you. And everyone in your situation, I assure you, will miss you.

But no one can stop you.

Today is Cold War Kids Day! + Cooking Lesson!

Hey, guys!

One of the things that I never really make myself do is cook. I’m not good at it but sometimes I just feel like having something other than what’s around.

And this kind of attitude is the result of being frustrated with writing/writing projects. I could be reading a published book I have to get through or doing passes on my own word vomit, but this kind of anxiety always leads to creating elsewhere. And I am NOT doing anything that can be edited for periods afterwards. So no art. (Though that is not surprising. Haven’t drawn in ages.)

So yeah. That’s that.

So today’s meal is Chilaquiles. The basics, it’s a tortilla dish. It was once a poor person’s meal in some Latin American countries. Now it’s just a casual, delicious meal. It can be and has been served any time of day.

The original recipe is to rip corn tortillas. I like to make them into triangles but shape is not important. You fry these in a little oil, just enough so they’re chips. You make a salsa of your choice. It works much, much better if it comes from boiled ingredients that are blended while still warm.

Cold salsas have a heartier texture. That’s not the kind of thing you need to have.

Anyway, drop the chips into a pan, once it’s heated, crack some eggs into it. Two, if you have a family sized batch. And stir. Stir until the egg has cooked. Then, while still on heat, add the salsa.

Leave it simmering for a bit then turn off the heat.

They should dry a little.

Now from here, people like to dice onion over their chilaquiles. Maybe add some cheese (whichever. I have Parmesan from the bottle or maybe melt some Montererey Jack.)

I know some slice tomatoes, thick, and decorated with a spiral of Valentina sauce.

Today, I baked the tortillas. Less mess, less stress, less oil.

I did the chips on two sheets. Heated the oven to classic 350 and left the spread out tortillas for forty minutes. Turned off the heat and left them there for another thirty minutes (though you don’t have to wait that long.)

Now the reason you don’t fry flour tortillas is because you make sopa pias. If you’ve never had, they’re a great snack and all day food. But they are desserts so eat with caution.

Sopa Pia recipe in a nutshell:

Fry the tortilla until it’s bubbled and hardened slightly. Sprinkle sugar on it and enjoy. There!

Here’s some art to go with it.

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Bonus: Get yourself a copy of Like Water for Chocolate. More recipes and the best love story set in turn of the century Mexico. Warning, amazing magical realism.

Movie | Book

Hope you guys have a great Monday! Enjoy your Mexican/Hispanic food! ❤

Today is Mash Up Day!

Hello, everybody!

If you follow me on Twitter, you know I’ve been up to no good. Just a little backstory, back when I was a teenager, I could make some really weird baking desserts.

I’ve gotten out of practice and thought “Oh! A two ingredient cookie. Should be easy.”

And at that point, I should have listened to the laughter in my head and coming from TC.

When something is easy, I’m bound to mess up.

Here is the recipe, taken from The Burlap Bag:

  • 2 bananas
  • 1 cup of oatmeal
  • Preheat to 350, and cram the mash into the oven. Leave for fifteen minutes.

I did all that. I’m not sure if my cookie puddles were too big (I had one sheet to work with and it was little for the amount of nana batter.) or my expectations were. I imagined the things would dry a little, be crispy.

Instead, they were little Play Doh blobs. A little soft (though that might have been my fault–buttered the pan.)

Ick. So I dropped them in for another fifteen minutes in the oven.

I’m very weird about oatmeal. I hate it warm in ANY situation. (Not a breakfast food person.)

So maybe this cookie voyage was doomed from the start, thinking back.

So the cookies, after another twenty minutes turned out great! Crisp. Still soft. A little less sugary. Maybe the baking took out the sweetness of the bananas or maybe they weren’t old enough?

So if you want a little sweeter, get some chocolate chips, maybe a teaspoon of brown sugar, or a drip of sweetened condensed milk, or something. But still, would do it again! 😀

Here’s my lovely mash up soundtrack today:

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Happy Banana+Oatmeal Cookie Cooking to All! ❤

Today is London Grammar Day!

Hello, guys!

I will have more time this next coming week for some movie review and watching.

Hello, The Gallows & The Vatican Tapes!

But for now, here’s another underrated artist. London Grammar!

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Hope you have a great weekend!

P.S. Have you guy seen Sailor Moon Crystal’s latest (poss last) episode? Whoa!

Do You Ever

Get so bored you do weird things?

I mean. It’s not weird to me.

But sometimes I just get an idea for a story, make a cover for it and a small summary, and tape it up on my Wattpad.

Yeah, it happens.

Here’s today’s

PicsArt_1437020707803

From Wattpad:

There was nothing in her search history.

And his story didn’t make sense.

But Katly was more than the sweet, shy sixteen-year-old daughter of Sandwich, Mass.’s Dr. Amu.

Her death might never prove it.

It was inspired by a murder case being talked about on my TV. Just to not upset anyone, I won’t mention actual details other than I branched away from the situation. What if the one we cast as the bad guy was just an idiot who didn’t know how to tell the truth? But from her view.

If I ever went to it, I would do a dual third POV. The present and the truth (AKA Katly’s life.)

Meh. But just something to do while actively avoiding editing.

Here’s what the inside cover/query might look like.

When thirty-two-year-old Eli Fonseca’s Reddit posts lead investigators to the body of missing sixteen-year-old Katly Amu, the girl everyone in Sandwich Massachusetts has been looking for, the allegation is that Eli accidentally killed her during sex. Her family and friends swear shy, prude Katly would never. The authorities find no evidence Katly went looking for Eli.

But as the case comes together to put Eli on death row, Katly’s story unravels.

Eli.

The internet.

The world conservative Sandwich would never accept.

Honesty isn’t always the best policy.

In the future, I might reread this post and think this is freaking horrible but right now, this is the best first try, not-overthinking-it I have done in so long.

(And if you guys do something similar PLEASE post the link in the comments. I LOVE COVER ART/SUMMARIES. <3)

UPDATE: Whoops! Turned this into a page instead of a post. This is work brain at its finest.

UPDATE #2: TC and I laugh at the “conservative Sandwich” part all the time. Just laugh and laugh. Conservative. Sandwich.

Cheer Up Kit + Catch Up!

Hey, guys!

I’ve been viciously lazy/busy lately. I’ve watched a few movies (no new releases yet) and been working and doing chores and reading and lots of spring cleaning. And I do have a few reviews that are ancient by now but I haven’t had the concentration to clean them up.

But here’s a quick little review to things I’ve enjoyed lately that someone else might like too.

Firstly, milkshake! It’s summer for most of us so a milkshake’s always a good thing to have. I don’t have ice cream at home (Edit: I lied. There are apparently still ice cream sandwiches in the freezer) so I make my drinks with ice.

So here it is: about two cups of ice, two cups of milk, a whole banana, three teaspoons of Nesquick, a very quick drip of vanilla. I crush the ice in the blender with banana. Have add milk, the Nesquik, and the dash of vanilla.

If you’re making it, the more you blend the ice, the less it seems to chill. I made mine extra icy. So it was thick and delicious.

If you add too much vanilla (and I did today) add more ice, a little milk, and another banana. It worked for me.

The usual recipe makes for either a very large milkshake or two normal sized ones.

So that’s that. Second, I have been feeling a little done lately. It’s just a million things and I think I will be better and less stressed when it’s pay day again. But one of the people who always cheers me up is Lindy Tsang, or Bubzbeauty on Youtube. She’s so bubbly and adorable and her blogs are so funny and lighthearted and inspirational.

Here’s the link. Start as early as you can. Her journey is amazing.

Third, I’ve been in love with the new music I’ve run into. Here they are:

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BONUS!

(This one is so cool!)

The lyrics are so cute!

Hope this cheers you up like it did me! See ya later this week!

P.S. Special Deals is almost daily updated with the latest Young Adult Kindle books under $5!

P.P.S. Color Oracle for fun! Super accurate!

Today is Soundtrack Day!

Hey, guys!

I finally got around to watching The Fault in Our Stars and If I Stay and let me tell you. My mixed expectations were met. TFIOS had a beautiful bow tied ending but missed the little sad bits of the book (but I wasn’t partial to that in the first place.)

Besides, as far as I’m concerned, the ending has the final say. (Sorry about that pun.)

If I Stay had some stinging moments too, but they missed it with my fave part–where the grandpa says stuff–and they mutilated the ending. It really made me question if I read the thing I should have. I’ll really have to revisit but everything was like I imagined it and THE FAMILY. Can I just say the parents were just–MY HEART. OW.

Anyway. Today is now TFIOS soundtrack day. Happy Tuesday/Wednesday!

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for extra love my all time fave “reviewer” Cinema Sins: