Movie Hangover: The Gift

Hello, everyone!

A timely review this time!

I never go out on a date without hitting the movie theater because why would I enjoy anything less?

Today I watched The Gift!

Poster #3 is Perf, lemme say.

Poster #3 is Perf, lemme say.

The movie revolves around an asshole bully, his oblivious wife, and their new start in life when a person from the past steps back in.

Sound familiar?

Sound familiar?

But like any good thriller–and this one did better than expected–there are more twists and turns than in a ballet recital.

Not to drop into too much detail, Asshole is doing well. As Assholes do in these movies. Wife, however, is a little different.

Wife has a few issues.

Where Shutter’s “hero” only became a monster near the end (toward his wife) our Asshole here doesn’t hold back. Twists words, has access to background checks, the works.

And the man after him? A cringeworthy, sad person with emotional issues.

The whole movie balances on a deception you can’t see coming. (You could if you weren’t caught in the hero’s depravity, I’m sure, but not when you’re just so furious and disgusted with the Asshole.)

The whole thing goes from some small bullying to full on destroying lives. Innocent lives.

We loved it.

We didn’t have high hopes. Actually, we were really only in it to cringe at how clingy the new friend became, but unlike a lot of nonlinear/gray movies, the ending served everyone exactly what they deserved.

If you’re scared of this kind of intimacy between two rival people, I wouldn’t recommend. It’s depraved. (Have I already said that?)

If you need to see someone get a dose of their own medicine, get in early. We expect full theaters after today.

UPDATE:

This movie got 93% on Rotten Tomatoes! Usually, movie reviews are hit and miss with me on there but they got this one on the money!

You can get this movie on DVD on  October 27. (19 days after this update!)

Movie Hangover: The Vatican Tapes

Hello, everyone!

I’ve had such a weird few weeks that I completely forgot that in one crazy day, I got to watch both The Gallows and The Vatican Tapes!

Yeah. Not so much the exclamation point.

I’ll start with The Vatican Tapes.

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May God have mercy on our souls because some of us paid to watch this?

I didn’t hear about this movie until it was a few weeks from releasing. So instead of watching one movie then the other, I thought I’d double up with The Gallows (since I love watching the classic murdered teenagers thing. [That sounded so wrong.])

After a whole mess up in schedules–screw you, small theater whose excuse was their website was never right!–we drove for hours till we got to our favorite movie theater.

Once again, don’t fix what’s broken.

Admittedly, this probably soured my mood and made me hope more from the movie.

And that did not help me be kind toward it.

It was my fault, in a sense. I expected it to be a series of strange stories. Maybe following a priest from the Vatican. But it was about a woman, who lives with her boyfriend, despite having a very strict military father. Things go down hill starting at her birthday when she cuts herself over her birthday cake.

(Seriously? I almost feel like the movie people wanted us to not notice the red flag here, like we wouldn’t see a catalyst. -1 for lack of subtley.)

Anyway, the story overall could be interchanged with a story of schizophrenic episode. Nothing was terrifying or new, and even though I was too worried about being scared I didn’t realize what was happening, it was still no big shock when SPOILER ALERT she turned out to be the anti-christ.

This movie wasn’t worth watching, so don’t worry about being spoiled that. Two things were actually newer or at least less commonly used.

1. The Anti-Christ was a woman!

It’d always bothered me that this was a man:

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2. Though we’ve seen survivors and good-hearted people live through horrors, I enjoyed him walking away and being chosen to battle the Anti-Christ in an unseen (and probably far more interesting) sequel. Because though he was a bit of a red herring on and off, his character was the one who made most sense. Also, who doesn’t like the endearing ex-military-turned-soldier-against-evil trope? I’m a sucker for anything military.

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I think I just love Michael Peña.

I really didn’t see anything new in this. Other than the beginning credits, I wasn’t scared once. I think if you watch this, you should watch while you have a cold and are already a little delirious or maybe after a drinking game.

Because otherwise, it really isn’t fun at all.

P.S. I had an Oreo Mudslide after so that was a fail. 😦

Happy July! And Bright Star.

Belated hey, guys!

This isn’t so much of a review as it is a gush. And this isn’t so much a post as it is a hi-bye. I’ve been busy in offline stuff. Work schedule is crazy. I’ve been out and about and shopping. (Yay!)

Also writing which is less fun but this has less to do with that and more with talking about our lord and savior Bright Star.

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Jane Campion’s underrated historical tribute to the love of poet John Keats and his Bright Star, Fanny Brawne is just my favorite movie pretty much ever.

One of the reasons I love it so much is because without telling you, you know that these two are falling in love. It’s all in the imagery, the use of weather. The love letters.

This movie is a poem all by itself.

I own it ever since it came out on DVD. I watch the trailer all the time. Which reminds me, you’re welcome:

And I listen to the score all the time, falling in love all over again. Especially Yearning which makes me dream of first love all over again.

I really think not enough people have seen it. Which is HORRIBLE. Jane Campion is just so great at bring stories to life. It’s a must watch, really!

Here are some links for you. Just to make it easy.

YouTube | Amazon | Amazon (DVD)

Have a lovely start of the month!

Teaser Tuesday: Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension

Hi, guys!

Sorry I’ve been posting so late lately. I’ve actually had weird RL stuff and what not. But here is the thing I am excited about: Paranormal Activity 5: The Ghost Dimension.

To be honest, I don’t know what’s going on with this story. I’m sure they’ve taken it too far but it always comes down to how it ends. Always. That is the make and save of every story.

But anyway, here’s the trailer to PA5!

Yeah, I guess it’s legit.

Movie Hangover: San Andreas

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Yay! I watched a movie I didn’t want to watch and it was unexpected!

Not the earthquake or The Rock or the double ds he was hitting.

No.
I didn’t want to watch San Andreas and spur of the moment did anyway. Which I thought was going to be horrible on top of the way Poltergeist made me feel, but it actually saved my night.
So that was unexpected.
I’ll tell you what happens in movies like San Andreas. And Taken. And Cop Out. And any other action hero movie.
A dad, who is unfairly divorced—his wife already sporting a hunky, very wealthy boy toy—has a daughter. Just a lone child.
He’s a hero. An underpaid one. A police man, a rescue personnel dude, some undercover guy who seems to have an okay retirement fund keeping him afloat.
But then his daughter is in trouble. Now this is almost always a danger that’s physical and immediate.
The dad goes on this huge rescue mission, ends up saving her, and, is friends again with his ex wife. You know, for the sequels.
Most of the time, the daughter and the wife are two of the most stupidest women on the planet.
The simple fact that they haven’t seen their reflection at a pool or bathtub and just drowned is beyond any viewer’s comprehension.
And while intelligence isn’t everything, in an action film? Oh yeah. Life and death.
I’m glad to say that while the boobs were big, the IQ was bigger. Not a SINGLE person central to the story was stupid or helpless.
The people who were being rescued with the girl? Sharp. Their moves so far ahead it took us a while to understand just how clever they were.
Though they were a little less competent they were still resourceful and helpful.
And the fact that they weren’t just boosts for the hero really made the pivot scene so emotional.
As for graphics, storyline, etc. There were some points and things were I just went:
Like, like what?
The mom at the beginning at the Hoover Dam. Trust me, I laughed so hard I nearly peed.
Please see “The Inhuman Torch” from Futurama for the reference.
Still, San Andreas is a WIN. Please go see it!
There were moments, like every movie. But if you’re into the daddy action films, this is your movie. It did so much better than so many disaster daddy movies.

Movie Hangover: Poltergeist

Hello, everyone!

Sorry about the blog mess. It’s under construction and this weekend IRL has been so busy that I really can’t sit down and fiddle with the controls right now. -.-

I’m just glad this weekend is over (I just did a no one said ever inverse, I know.) Until then, here’s my very spoilery (as usual) review of the 1980s remake of Poltergeist.

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One of the things that is so typical now of the movie world is that we’re in a rush for instant gratification.

And maybe not just movie world.
To say Poltergeist is the minute man of horrors is putting it politely. But very correctly.
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The original took it’s sweet time being weird, again luxuriating in its own weirdness before throwing us into the nope train.
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i’m not saying that this new version didn’t have it’s great points but it really was a race to the finish line.
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Like its partner was already there.
It wasn’t scary. It didn’t take us to the scary place and leave us there. It ran right by.
It’s no surprise that this speeding costs in other departments. If you’ve already watched, you know Griffin suffered the most.
(Kendra, like so many poor teens and children and people in terrible movies, was just a backdrop cliche who didn’t benefit or miss out from the pacing. And honestly, I forgot there was a her in the original version.)
So what DID go right in the movie?
The parents. Their chemistry. Their quirks. Their new parent antics.
The clown scene. You know the one. The one you’ve been dreading since the trailer.
The fact that they made a remake. No one ever wants to see their favorites die off. And now that there’s a remake more people will go back to see the original!
I was in a coma from how terrible it was. BUT I did get to watch San Andreas right after so, stay tuned!
Update: Here’s San Andreas!

Movie Hangover: Unfriended

Hello, everyone!

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So I went to see the movie Unfriended, much to the TC’s annoyance. But it wasn’t actually all that bad.

My love of terrible horror movies was satisfied. You know, naturally, but I also got to a good little thrill, and a few volume scares.

You have to understand. Going into this, I knew it wouldn’t scare me. Or possibly entertain me. But I do like the idea of getting back in to seeing horrors. (And right now, I think it’s the only one. ???)

So my expectations were pretty low. Considering that, understand that when I say I was impressed, that is completely dependent on my mind set going in.

That’s why I usually try to wait awhile before I post my thoughts and opinions on anything I read/watch.

Okay! Back to the story.

So one of the things that impressed me about the movie was the unexpected violence. I mean, being a horror, with a bunch of teenagers who aren’t saints, you really expect violence. But the amount of malice in this story (which is shot completely off a screen during a video chat) is unreal.

[Insert NOPE scene here.]

I don’t know how many of you are like me in the sense that any slightly confined space (catacombs, upside down pyramids, crawl spaces) no matter how wide, makes me want to run screaming from the theater.

So the fact that my line of vision was confined to a computer screen and the footage of the people on the video chat, I was already tense.

Add the unexpected speed of violence, the terrible internet connection, the effect where everything goes wrong, yeah, the atmosphere was not good. for me. The play of music, was, as usual, great. That  terror build up and complete silence and then a loud noise rips your ears a new one? That trick? Still worked fine.

Now the things wrong with it. Hold on to your chairs because it’s the usual crap:

  • group of less than angelic teenagers have provoked something evil
  • saint of the group protagonist that never listens to her own advice and branches away from her personality for plot purposes turns out not to be that much of a saint
  • revenge plot reminiscent of I Know What You Did Last Summer

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  • A set of confessionals where the friends turn on each other
  • A terrible reason to kill someone(s)
  • Terrible people have violent ends that really does nothing or effects no one but them

I think overall, it introduced a new way, a sort of found footage sort of deal. Tech specs will probably appeal to younger people though I think it’s dated. Even for being a recent make. And not just because technology moves so fast.

Some of the way to go about things was dated.

But I may just have worked with computers excessively and been a weird teen at the time. So the overall for the movie is, watch it for the atmosphere. 🙂

~

~

Bonus Spoiler! It was done on a Mac.

Movie Hangover: The Babadook

Hi, everyone!

Today we’re going to be learning about the Babadook. The Babadook is a mythological creature from a movie that was supposed to be the best thing the girl ever saw.

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But in fact, it was always too good to be true. Even as I feared for everything that would happen in the current scene (not even the next, I didn’t know if I’d live that long) I knew this movie could not end well.

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Our relationship. So high. So destined to fall.

And I was right. I wasn’t even hoping I was wrong because I knew it was impossible to make a perfect movie.

But really? There was no winning even a little.

To make a long story short, the thing is unbeatable so they FUCKING ADOPTED IT. No, you read that right. They fucking adopted the thing that possessed the mom and threatened to murder them all.

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“Hi. Tried to kill everyone. Hope I can crash here!”

But don’t allow this madness to stop you from watching the movie.

Like some horrors about single moms, the kid has some issues but they are actually 100% believable. Their struggle as a family and as people was so flesh and blood, I could feel their warmth.

The madness that grips the mum actually seemed irreversible and was a little contagious.

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“Wheee!”

This movie is worth watching just probably not worth finishing.

No. Definitely just finish it. It deserves that much after the wonder before.

Movie Hangover: Insidious Chapter 3

Hello, everyone!

So I went to the morning Insidious viewing because a) it’s cheaper; b) I needed to watch it the earliest possible. (And Thursday night I couldn’t for REASONS.)

Insidious 3 new poster horror movie 2015 (1)

Yeah. This.

I’m excited to say that it hasn’t lost its edge. As a series, it’s gotten a little more stable (which isn’t really a good thing for horror) and as the third, it’s not that great.

A lot of the arguments and just the new family in general could be ticked to contrived. They were copied and pasted from a bucket full of stock characters.

Not to mention, sequels tend to add useless characters. We don’t need to know about neighbors or crushes or mailmen or book sellers for any reason if they do not directly add to the plot.

And I said plot versus solution.

There are your typical cliches. (Finding the strength in yourself blah blah blah, old black woman with the answers blah blah blah, miracle blah blah blah.)

The plot itself was very whipped up. I looked at TC at one point and said, “They didn’t give him enough time.” Referring to the writer of the movie, Leigh Whannell.

Everything happened so fast. One of the beauties about the previous movies was how they luxuriated in their own sinisterness.

This one was geared for maximum damage. Think: car crash.

The entire movie was very…spiritual in a different sense. The ending, pertaining to the protagonist and her departed mother, was very aww so that really toned everything down.

But overall:

Fear of the dark? ✓

Fear of the dead? ✓

Fear of anything beyond my world that I can accidentally conjure just by talking out loud? ✓

Yeah. If you’re really spiritual in that sense, this will put a knot in your stomach. And I think that’s what horror should be like. Validate the fear in the inevitable.

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